Dichotomies of Depression

Depression is saying “Sure!” and “Yes, Ma’am!” when your brain is saying “Okay” and “Whatever.”
Depression is forcing your tired and beaten body and soul out of bed merely because you know that to stay in bed is to sink into the abyss.
Or it’s not forcing your tired and beaten body and soul out of bed because the abyss is where you want to be.
Depression is listening to voices in your head that you know aren’t true, but the energy to fight back is tucked away in a place you can’t reach.
Depression is wanting to be happy but not knowing how.
It’s seeing all the beatify in your life and processing it in your brain but being unable to access it in your heart.
Or on certain really tough days, it’s being unable to see any beauty at all.

woman staring through window

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Depression is the wearing of many masks.
It’s the playing of many roles and the detachment from many roles.
Depression is lukewarm.
It is the hopeless lingering in the darkness when you know the light is nearby.
Depression is wanting to ask for help but not wanting the world to know that you can’t do it on your own.
Depression is a liar.
Depression is not a refusal to feel joy—it’s the space between joy and your soul—it’s a chasm deep and wide.

Musings on my First Fifty Years

Birthdays are a great time to reflect, and after celebrating number fifty over the weekend, I have a few thoughts, for what they are worth. After fifty years on this planet, this is what I know:
If this isn’t the life you want, the life you think you are destined for, it’s your job to create that life. Listen to what God/the Universe is telling you to do, and then do it. Keep your eyes open for the path that is being created for you, and follow it, and be willing to do some foraging through the overgrown and tricky parts. Remove those barriers around your heart and feel that pain that you are afraid will kill you. It won’t; it will strengthen you for the all the love that awaits. You have to believe that the wounds serve a purpose. You have to believe that from those dark places, your light can shine brightest. The world needs your light. You must be willing to let go of people and things that threaten to stifle or distort that inner voice that says, “You are enough.” And you have to know that no experience, whether it be one of joy or sorrow, or triumph or trauma, is a waste. It is in your power, and it is in fact your responsibility, to give it a shape, to make it matter.

In Truth and Love,